What Are Some Unrealistic Expectations That Lead To Divorce?
February 24th, 2010 by admin | Filed under divorce.Think of this a cautionary question and your chance to give advice to people going into marriages with unrealistic expectations.
You can do a top 10 list or list a few common marriage expectations you have seen on the M&D section. Please explain why these are harmful expectations that can lead to divorce.
Thanks and have fun!
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Tags: divorce, Expectations, Lead, Some, Unrealistic
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FOR FEMALES: Thinking that your husband will change after marriage
FOR MALES: Thinking that your wife won’t
I think the biggest one that I have seen is that things will always be easy peasy if you have found your one true love. You are going to face hard times at some point, you are going to argue and you are not going to agree on everything. You’ll both make mistakes and it is not necessary to remind the person every few months of the mistake they made two years ago. The thing is to always work together and try to always keep an open mind to the other persons point of view.
Also, too many people do not talk about their goals before they are married. They just assume because they love each other it will all fall into place. Make sure you both see yourself in the same place in five years. Do you both want kids? Does someone want to be a stay at home parent? Does one person plan on traveling a lot on business or have a job that may require moving? Are you hoping marriage will change those things that are wrong in your relationship or make it better?
1. think marriage will change things whether it be the other person, their relationship with their extended family, how you yourself feel or your relationship itself
2. not talking things out BEFORE getting married like- religion, children, money
3. thinking that love solves everything and is everything
4. spending more time and money on the wedding day then on preparing for your future together
5. thinking that it’s going to be easy
6. thinking that it will always be fun
7. thinking that the one you marry will not change in appearance (get fat, get thin)
8. thinking that becoming parents will bring you closer
9. assuming that your partner wants kids
10. thinking it will last forever
Thinking you can change your partner is the biggest one. People seem to think that all the things that bothered them while they were dating, will magically go away when they are married. This inevitably leads to divorce.
Taking back a “reformed” cheater. Why someone thinks that a cheating bf/gf won’t be a cheating spouse is beyond me.
Thinking that love is enough to sustain a marriage. There are lots of people who think they can marry even though they have no job or education. And they want to start a family. Love is wonderful, but you need to be realistic.
That life is not all glamorous.
People do have habits that will irritate you
Money is a huge issue!
Expecting a spouse to always look like they stepped out of a magazine will never happen
The grass is always greener on the other side because it has been more heavily fertilized
Having a baby does not fix a marriage
When something does not feel right, it most likely isn’t
If this is a second marriage and there is a child out of that then you are your husbands exwifes new family and you will have many functions to go to and be involved with them. If you are not good with this then don’t remarry!
We all have luggage, some is Expensive and some is trashy!
Life is not a soap Opera!
Seems to me that a lot of people who expect to feel ‘In Love’ All the time end up bitter and disappointed. Relationships have their up’s and down’s and it’s not always fun.
Also…anytime there is a problem, big or small, the easy answer is “Just get a Divorce!”…so people who go into it with this as an escape plan for when their spouse upsets them or whatever….they end up in not so great of a place with their relationship status.
Once I posted a stupid question, “my husband hates peanut butter and I love it, should we divorce?” Several people seriously said yes. Stupid people!
A sense of humor is a must in any good marriage.
1. Assuming the other person is responsible for your happiness. They’re not.
2. Thinking you can change them or that they will want to change. You can’t/they won’t.
3. That love is enough. It’s not. You can love someone with every fibre of your being and still have an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage.
1. that they will stay hot forever
2. you will be able to change things you don’t like about them
3. they will not hang out with other people of the opposite sex and won’t get upset when u do
4. they will want sex everyday
5. there will be no financial struggles
1) Husbands will pick up after themselves
2) Wives will stop buying new shoes.
Soooo unrealistic.
She will always want to have sex with you at least once a day.
He will always earn enough to support me.
He/she will always be hot.
Kids will bring us closer.
Hanging out with my platonic male friend at the bar should not upset him.
that the rainbow will appear and the fireworks will go off the minute you say, “i do”.
that you will live “happily ever after”
that he/she is the perfect and flawless and immortal.
That you didn’t marry a perfect person, but you can love the inperfect person perfectly.
You should not marry anyone expecting anything but what you have at the time when you get married!!!! You should love the person for who they are when you marry them.
Unrealistic expectation #1
That marriage is easy.
we will be happier after marriage
we want to, need to, get married
marriage is not a business deal…. it really is
no one will interfere
money will not be a factor
etc etc etc
1 communication failure # 2 trust issues #’3-7 Money # 8-10 Sex
The top two on my list are:
She expects him to change
He expects her to not change
That’s it.
Apparently my penis not doubling in size might do it…
I expected her to help out around the house.
She started fvcking a sugar daddy.
Those are my top two…
1. Knowing what they are like and expecting them to change for you after marriage, especially when your acting cool with it before hand. Don’t expect them to become exactly like you imagined they should become. Don’t try and control your mate. If you don’t like how they are, they might not be right for you in the first place. You will just make them unhappy and drive them away.
2. Don’t be too clingy. Even those married need space. Too much time together can be damaging, but so can too much time apart. You can’t expect the honeymoon to last forever.
3. Children, especially too early in the relationship, will almost always cause divorce. It’s usually the dad starts to drift, starts to cheat, and then bails. Don’t have children until you’ve been married 5-10 years, and when you are financially stable. Do not expect children to strengthen your relationship. It will try and test it until they are grown.
4. Don’t get married before 25. This is the number one cause of divorce. Even better, don’t get married before 30.Get stable in your careers and experience life before marriage.
5. Don’t expect your spouse to respect your parents or your parents to respect your spouce. If your parents can’t accept your mate, your parents either suck or your mate sucks. Figure out which one that is.
6. Don’t expect your spouse to always agree with your decisions. Make decisions together, even the small things sometimes. If you can’t agree on it, wait to try and convince them later at another time.
7. Don’t expect a consistency to keep a relationship healthy. Do new things together. Monotony is a great killer of marriage.
8. Don’t expect them to know what your feeling.
9. Don’t expect perfection or constant happiness, nor for them to do everything in the relationship to take care of you and your needs.
10. Don’t expect your spouse to cheat on you. Jealousy only drives most people away. Jealousy is not an act of true love. It only means you do not trust them.
The most obvious is cheating…but that is almost always because of dissatisfaction with the relationship. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault, but something obviously went wrong…whether you got married for the wrong reasons, or the cheater is just a douche bag and can’t handle responsibility, etc and so forth. But I leave it out because it’s probably because of one of the 10 listed previously.